Monday, May 11, 2009

this past week has been....

insane to say the least.

At work my coworkers have been on short fuses, and ive been the sane one for once. My replacement finally showed up so im training him to take my place in a little over a month.

Overall i think im staying fit, mentally im not even close to being ready for the path ahead of me but i dont know if i can be ready for it. Im about to make a massive change and everything i know is just going to psych me out. I figure im going to take my future as i take today, ill face it as it comes. I am armed with the knowledge it will take me, and i am armed with the knowledge of my body, and how far i can push it before it breaks, and how to keep going after it breaks. I guess thats the best i can do these days.

On a family note, my mom is out here in a month and i cant wait to see her. And im flying out to california on fathers day, so im going to see if my dad can pick me up from the airport so i can hang with him down in LA for fathers day, because i havent just hung out me and him in a LONG time. It will be a nice change.

I dont know whats going on with me with my family though. I havent missed them this much since i left. I think its the fear of going into the unkown without them that scares me. I dont know what im going to do without them a call away. Even living across the country i have always had them, and for the first time i wont. For the first time in 7 years i wont have a cell phone. For the first time in 10 years i wont have e-mail to talk to my family. I dont know what im going to do. For all my talk of being a badass who dont need no one, im still a little kid in that regard.

I dont know whats causing all this shit, but i feel like at this point i should be with my family, helping them and spending as much time as i can before i leave. I feel like im cheating them by not being there. And even tho they dont say it, i know they think it too. it sucks.

we are t-minus 3 months and im not nervous about going, im nervous about not having my family hate me when i go

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