Wednesday, October 28, 2009
So heres what happened.
Shipped to boot, got injured at boot, got sent home. Crazy ride i have to admit.
So my shoulder ripped out at boot camp. My medboard for some reason said the marines didnt need to fix me. Crazy right?
Well heres how its going to work out im looking for work, and since im not going into the military i think i might keep this as a personal blog.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Now its the Fobbits need ice cream too....
WHERE ARE ALL MY FRIENDS GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!1
im not sure whats going on. Both of them were some of my favorite blogs, and now they are gone.
However... i find solace in the fact that Ranger Up still has some of BT's writing including the 3 rules(which are printed out in my office, and at home, and in my truck and....)
Wherever you are BT...
As lame and gay as it sounds. You changed my life.
I got an annoying e-mail from someone wanting me to write for him. Guess what. I don't write for anyone but me. The point of this blog is to remind myself what i was as a civilian so when i become a marine i don't fully loose myself, and know how much i have improved or not as a person. Thats the point of this. Not to entertain you (although i hope i do).
I don't get very many readers here, and im ok with that. I don't really care too much if i get 100 people reading or 0. Obviously my ego will be nicer if i have 100 then 0, but its not the mission of this to become popular.
I hope y'all realize that, the posts about not posting are reminders of what a flake i am. the posts about my fear are to remind me of how fearful i am, and how much i hate taking big risks.
but at the end of the day, as selfish as this sounds. This blog is for me. not you. I hope to share in the experience, but that's not the mission. The mission is to remind myself of what i am now so when i become more, i can judge myself fairly.
Monday, May 11, 2009
At work my coworkers have been on short fuses, and ive been the sane one for once. My replacement finally showed up so im training him to take my place in a little over a month.
Overall i think im staying fit, mentally im not even close to being ready for the path ahead of me but i dont know if i can be ready for it. Im about to make a massive change and everything i know is just going to psych me out. I figure im going to take my future as i take today, ill face it as it comes. I am armed with the knowledge it will take me, and i am armed with the knowledge of my body, and how far i can push it before it breaks, and how to keep going after it breaks. I guess thats the best i can do these days.
On a family note, my mom is out here in a month and i cant wait to see her. And im flying out to california on fathers day, so im going to see if my dad can pick me up from the airport so i can hang with him down in LA for fathers day, because i havent just hung out me and him in a LONG time. It will be a nice change.
I dont know whats going on with me with my family though. I havent missed them this much since i left. I think its the fear of going into the unkown without them that scares me. I dont know what im going to do without them a call away. Even living across the country i have always had them, and for the first time i wont. For the first time in 7 years i wont have a cell phone. For the first time in 10 years i wont have e-mail to talk to my family. I dont know what im going to do. For all my talk of being a badass who dont need no one, im still a little kid in that regard.
I dont know whats causing all this shit, but i feel like at this point i should be with my family, helping them and spending as much time as i can before i leave. I feel like im cheating them by not being there. And even tho they dont say it, i know they think it too. it sucks.
we are t-minus 3 months and im not nervous about going, im nervous about not having my family hate me when i go
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I had 2 pool functions in the past 2 weeks. So what are the results:
Pool function 1 (South Florida Poolie compitition)
Did a shitload of pullups (19)
Did not a shitload of crunches (71)
did not run. Caused trouble, hung out.
Pool Function 2 (standard pool function, did IST)
Did some pullups (10, could do more but gunny stopped me)
Did even less crunches (61)
Did a pretty good run time (12 minute mile and a half)
So theres the marine aspect.
On a personal note, i have been sleeping like shit. Ive also not been focusing well due to the fact im so frikkin tired. Idk whats going on, but im trying to work on it. Thank god for 5 hour energy at work.
ALso, a great quote about personification:
Curious, i have never understood the human compulsion to bond with inanimate objects. This vessel has done nothing. It is an assemblage of bulkheads, conduits, tritanium, nothing more.
Oh your wrong, its much more than that. This ship has been our home, its kept us together. Shes been part of our family, as illogical as this might sound, i feel as close to her as i do to any member of my crew. Shes carried us, even nurtured us, and right now she needs one of us.
+10 nerd points if you can call the show, and episode its from. +5 if its just the show.
Friday, April 10, 2009
So apparently i have to perform well. Better yet, i have the Flu.
This is gonna be fun.
OH and double trouble, the dryer broke so i have to hang dry everything. In florida. With humidity at its max already.
Great fun this is eh?
Monday, April 6, 2009
the odds were against me to make it on my own in miami.
the odds were against me in every step of my life. And i have overcome.
Now the odds are once again stacked against me. And with my usual determination, grit and faith i will overcome them, bitching and complianing the entire way.
In other news im beigining to learn more about this aloneness thing.
Ive found a strange sense of..... aloofness i guess is the word... to some of my relationships recently. Its almost as if im looking on the outside of them and can kind of analyze everything and see whats going on. These days, thats a strange skill to have.
Thats part of why im feeling alone these days, since i can analyze everything i dont really feel close to anyone. I dont know if its a good or bad thing, ill have to get back to you on that, but as i said in the last entry on this subject, ill continue to scream in the crowded room realizing i put earplugs in all my friends.
I am not sure how to fix it... but one day maybe i will.
As Captian Kirk once said, i like to think that there are always possibilities.
there are always possibilities i can repair whatever damage i may have caused. that i may be able to figure out how/why i do what i do.
there are always possibilities to begin to realize why i feel the need to over compartmentalize my life.
perhaps one day ill find the reason for it all... but right now...
the sound of the echo helps me sleep....
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
and i rose to the occasion.
like a good 'uncle' i babysat him. chased him around the backyard. We kicked a soccer ball around. we played with an RC car... and i showed him non-kids movies.
i tossed him around... did the old airplane thing. chased him around some more. The lil tyke wore me out.
so maybe... just maybe.. there might be some hope for me after all.
Also... Bonus points if you can call this non-kids movie i showed to the tyke (more like had playing in the background while he ran around)
You know what the first rule of flying is?
you could learn all the math in the 'verse but you take a boat in the air that you dont love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells ya shes hurting before she keels. Makes her a home.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
So yeah... im not allowed to do any pull ups, push ups or any real upper body excersizes except sun gods for a week.
Great fun let me tell you.
Something else that i found incredibly interesting is this image from the Heratige Foundation
To me George Bush's "compasonate Conservatism" was a stupid idea from the start. Instead of being a 'tax and spend' liberal he was a 'borrow and spend' liberal. the only conservative thing about him was social conservatism. But i think we have reached a VERY scary line. The 2009 budget was just signed by President Obama in the way of the Omnibus spending bill, the second half of the TARP bailout funds and the 'stimulus'. FY09 Started in november, during the transition where obama was a big part of the budget negoiations, hence why congress passed a stopgap to keep funding for everywhere at 08 levels untill the new congress was seated. Thats why the 09 budget is purely obamas budget. George Bush is in Crawford Tx. Obama wanted the job, and if he does not want to work on the problems and keep blameing the past president, i dont think hes matured to the point where he should be a president.
His answer to the townhall question about the Defict should have been:
"the problems we face today are not small ones. We have a financial crisis of epic proportions, we have American families unable to see a doctor becuase of cost cutting at major buisnesses. We have students unable to repay the loans to get the education for jobs that are no longer there. Thats why our budget has such massive deficits, we cannot easily raise taxes but we cannot do nothing while those people suffer"
as much as i disagree with that statement, its better than "but Bush did it".
So much for hope and change.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Driver: Where you going in 6 months
Me: I leave for the Marine Corps
Driver: No shit, you know i used to be in the army?
Me: No i didnt, that makes sense though.
Driver: What makes sense.
Me: That we get along, you were in the army and you got your head on mostly straight, thats why your nice to us, politite to my coworkers and do your job well
Driver: I never thought of it that way
Me: If college has taught me one thing, many of the people with degrees these days are fucking retarded. Everyone i know who is in or has been in the military is an awsome person, most people outside that realm are kinda douchebags.
Driver: well... cant argue with good logic. Only 27 today?
Mel: Hey, i normally only have 5 boxes for ya, need help gettin em to the truck?
Driver: Nahh, im good. See ya tomorrow.
Ive never really looked deep to find that out, it just kinda happened. The people i choose to hang out with are either going into, have been or are currently in the US Military. I guess theres a certian quality of person that does that that i like.
Or im in miami and those are the only people who dont wave the 'im from cuba' or 'im from hati' flags
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Remember when President Obama was campaining and he said he had been to 57 states? It was a simple mistake and if i was running around the country as much as him, i prolly would have said it too.
But heres something funny. We actaully have gained 7 states since he has become president.
You may not have heard, so ive listed them below:
State of Depression,
State of Acrimony,
State of Misery,
State of Neurosis,
State of Anxiety,
State of Petulance, and
State of Envy
So there you go. Ammend the flag, we have 57 states now.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I understand that under the weight of your massive bailout and other big spending projects you gotta come up with a way to help close the budget deficit. I know its alot of work to try and save the economy, especially while the treasury department has only 1 cabnet level appointee. But those are just facts, and as Ronald Regan once said, facts are silly little things.
So lets talk moral obligations. You are the Commander in Cheif of the United States Military. That means every order, every simple piece of the military comes back to you. You are the leader and are therfore responsible for the actions of those below you (namely the entire military). Therefore if someone is injured in the line of duty, it is because you sent them there (yes i know that there are outside forces and chain of command decisions that change that, but at the root that is the job of the presidency). Therefore you have a moral obligation to take care of those men. That is why the VA exists.
Now lets look at it another way. The United States Military has roughly 3 million employees. This plan is to take away workmans compensation from the us military. In almost every state, that is illegal.
As i said before, the challenge of closing the budget deficit is a big one. However, the United States Military is not the place to start cutting corners (maybe on appropirations, but not medical care).
Please consider this a warning.
I forgot to link the news story. here it is
Friday, March 13, 2009
What if i have to enforce a police state in the United States.
Im forced to ask myself, what if i was the National Guard soldiers at Kent State? Would i fire too? And what if i agree with the people who are protesting?
What would i do if im faced with that dilemma? What would my soul do.
Before Jan 20th those thoughts never even occured to me. Now as we march down the path to socialism, i am forced to ask myself these questions that i dont want to answer.
The last time the United States Military was engaged in Major combat operations on US Soil was the Civil War. What has changed since then? Over 150 years have passed, and i would like to think we are a stronger nation now. However, i dont see us staying strong together for long.
I feel a dangerous change in the wind. a frightening sense that maybe this administration is going to kill this country. I know, i sound insane saying it, but i really have no clue what to think anymore.
so i sit staring at the celing staring at the celing while my brain runs at 10,000 MPH to nowehere. Weeks of all night brainstorming and im no closer to an answer than i was. I am frighened, a fear i have never felt before. A cold chilling fear. But like all fear, it exists to be conquered. Hell if Captian Janeway could figure it out, i certianly can. I mean shit, she was dumb enough to not use a fuse when blowing up the caretakers array, which we know she could do cuz she did it with a borg cube later in the series.
For all non-nerds, i appologize. Insomnia is turning into ADD.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
I feel like i need to delve a little deeper into it to really get to the crux of the problem.
Its not that i am lonely, i got people around me alot and i love it. I like hanging out with my friends, i like goin fishin and i like the beach. I dont mind the nightclubs and the ringing in my ears. So what is all this about?
Im not sure. Its not that i cant talk to these people, i can and do. Its not that i cant open up to them, there are a select few i do. Its more of a sense that they dont care. And even more of a sense that i dont care.
I like my solitude when i have it. I enjoy sitting and reading alone. I savor these things because i wont have them soon. I dont know if this is part of a defense mechanisim ive built into myself to stop myself from getting attached to people when i know im leaving, or if its a honest sense that since im not going to have privacy or alone time, i might as well get as much as i can now.
Most of all, i think im just scared shitless and refuse to cognitavely admit it. I am scared to death of what im about to do, scared to death ill be forced to compromise my morals to stay alive. but at the end of the day, id rather have those experiences as much as they may hurt, confuse and annoy me...
than continue in this boring office dweller life.
So i will continue to stand in a crowded room and scream while no one notices. I will savor the empty ring of my echo off the walls while no one turns... because soon, i wont have that anymore. And once that is gone... its gone forever. As my seargeant says: Savor the pain, it means you actaully did something you didnt think you could.
Monday, March 2, 2009
For the first time in my life, im scared about the future of this country. For the first time, i truly feel like we are going down the wrong path, that we are going to teach future generations they dont need to work hard because the government will bail them out.
For the first time im not sure if my decisions for my future are right. I fear instead of being on a foreign battlefield i will be in the battlefields of fullerton, omaha and oklohoma city. Instead of protecting America from those that would do us harm i would be fighting against people who want thier freedom back.
Please lord, give me clarity to sort through all this. Please give my leaders the clarity to do your will. Most of all, please dont make this decision be one that i have to compromise my morals in order to complete.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Any ideas on how to nod off would be grealty appreciated.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
start running in formation. its easy. Wind on our backs, sun is on its westward decline, and all is well.
almost get hit by a car, but thats par for the course in Miami. Remember to control your breathing, your doin good.
First stop/end of Mile 1:
Stop in parking lot. Push up position. 10 diamond, 1o regular, 10 wide. No Sandbagging. get up. Strech your legs.
Remember to breathe. Sound fucking off when doing a cadence. Dont fucking slow down. If the guy in front of you starts to slow down, push him. Dont fucking quit. Dont slow down motherfuckers.
Ignore the pain in your calfs. Ignore the slight ache in your chest. Almost at the second stop.
Leg lifts, git your fucking legs 6 inches off the ground. Dont fuck around. Dont sandbag. keep the count.
Get your crunches. at least 30 in 1 minute. Dont give up. Body Builders, only 10 at this stop. Keep the count. Jump as high as you can at the end.
Ignore everything. The honking and sidewalk. Ignore the trees cutting your arms. The seargeant screaming behind you fades out. you hear the words but you dont remember them afterward. they take over your brain functions. Thought stops. You stare at the head in front of you. You hear your breathing, you hear your feet. The burning in your muscles fades. your in the zone.
Zone abruptly ends. Pain surges through your body as you stop. Back in push up position. 10 diamond, 10 regular, 10 wide. Strech a bit. Form up.
you try in vain to remember how you got into the zone. Your breathing cant keep up with the oxygen your body needs. Your seargeant keeps telling you to control your breathing, but for some reason you cant remember how. Your calfs feel like they are on fire. Your legs feel as if they are either concrete or jello. your abs ache, your shoulders burn. you can feel a decent farmer tan start to take shape.
Leg Lifts, sizzor kicks, and body builders. You stop caring. Your mucles hurt, everyones yelling. You want to quit, you want to cry. Your wondering why the fuck you do this.
Then you see your seargeants EGA. This is temporary. One day, you will have one of those as well.
You ignore everything. Your not in the zone you were in in mile 3, you still feel the pain. The pain shoots till your eyesight is red. Your head throbs from dehydration. You start to feel dizzy and shake it off.
You reach the last marker, a red fire hydrant. you sprint. you sprint with every last ounce of energy you have. your back in the zone. Time slows down. you dont hear anything except your own breathing and the sound of your feet hitting pavement. This is what God must feel like.
you cross the stop sign. You slow down. You vomit.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
This list comes from Glenn Beck's We Surround Them campaign. Its incredibly interesting. All you have to do is ask yourself do you beleive in the following statements.
I think a great american would answer yes to all 9 (if you have a problem with 'god' put in 'power greater than myself' and see if it works for you.)
A decent american would prolly beleive in 7.
Crappy douchebag college students prolly would answer yes to about 5.
And Nancy Pelosi's brain would explode at the thought people actaully think like this.
1) Yes or no: Do you believe America is a good place, that we've lost our way over the years, that we have done bad things but generally speaking we tried hard. We try to make amends. We have tried to do the right thing. Just like everybody else, we fail from time to time and we have truly lost our way in the last 20 years. But gosh, if you look at America, she's good and our founders were good and our founding documents are good. We've just strayed too far away from them. Yes or no.
2) Yes or no: I believe in God. I may not go to the same church or synagogue or mosque as the majority of people in America, but I believe in God and he is the center of my life, and God does not tell people to behead others or to persecute others that see God in a different way. As long as that god is not telling them to persecute others.
Yes or no.
3) Yes or no: It is my responsibility to try to be better and a more honest person than I was yesterday. Sometimes I fail, I'll make mistakes, but it's my main mission to be better than I was personally than I was yesterday.
4) Yes or no: The family is sacred. I and my spouse are the ultimate authority under God when it comes to my family. I raise my family, and that comes with a grave responsibility. If I fail, I answer to God.
5) Yes or no: If you break the law, you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
6) Yes or no: I have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but that is not a guarantee of equal results.
7) Yes or no: I work hard for what I have, and I will share it with others that I choose when I choose, should I choose. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
8) It is not un-American for anyone to disagree with my opinion, but my opinion or others' opinions may be anti-American. Anti-American rhetoric would be anything that is destructive to the Constitution and our country as our founders understood it.
Throw in your comments if you agree with these. I really want to see how people rank up and if my expectations for my fellow man are too high or not.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I was not nice when i desgined it. I did a 3 mile run, then 20 2 man Marine Corps pushups (thats 40 regular). Max crunches in 2 minutes. Wind sprints. Then everyone did 15 pullups (as many as you can do then assisted for the rest). It was amazing, everyone was tired but feeling good. If i could, i would have made us do another 3 mile run. I want to cross the treshold where pain dosent matter anymore.
But there is 1 kid, im scared for. He cant finish the 3 mile run. We were running at a slow pace too. Its not like we were running hard. He kept stopping. I dont care if you have to slow down to slower than walking pace, as long as you dont actaully stop to walk. Keep the running motion at whatever speed you need to FINISH. But dont stop. I had to run the last half mile running backwards and yellin trying to get this kid to finish. I wish he would put out the way we want/ned him too. He makes us all look bad when he dosent finish. And with 3 guys yelling, you either put out or you go home. He refuses to do either.
To be honest i dont know whats happened to me recently. I used to not want to work out and not want to run, But now that im winding myself going on good long runs and doing some upper body i do feel like its a change happening in me. I like the pain. I like the feeling like i might die if i keep going, and toughing through it. I like being with people who im suffering with. Something in me is a little different. I cant wait till boot to finally become a marine though.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I try to keep politics out of my blog, but this has really irked me in a way few other things have.
Rush Limbaugh is a jackass, i make no allusions otherwise. However, he does from time to time say something that makes me think. Last Friday he said something that i disagree with, but made me think. He does not want the president to succeed because President Obama does not believe in the same things Rush believes in.
For the past 8 years, the 'left' has said some pretty fucked up things about the President.
I am not one to go after a president, they have the hardest job this side of existence. Do i think Bush did a good job, overall i dont think he did that bad. Yes he messed up with the handling of Iraq, and he did a damn bad job letting rumsfeld do his military thinking for him. What he did a great job of is improving our status in Africa, doing more to help combat global AIDS than any other president before him. Thats something to be proud of. But the left ignored that, instead having something the 'right' called "Bush Derangement Syndrome" or BDS for short.
Symptoms of BDS were blaming George Bush for everything from gas being too expensive (market forces such as increasing demand and a strong US economy helped push gas to 4 dollars a gallon) to the weather being too hot. Terminal cases of BDS thought he caused 9/11 to invade iraq for its oil (which makes no sense when the government of Kuait is almost owned by the US and has a stranglehold on Iraq's oil exportation).
But now that Obama is president, the left is saying things like 'im proud to be an american again'. That bugs me, but its typical of hollywood jerkfaces. They are just like code pink, except code pink has the balls to say what they think.
But what i have a REAL problem with, is the fact it was ok to call Bush everything from a war criminal, devisive politician (remember, it was a group of democrats that said they would not work with him, not him who said he would not work with them) to warmonger and murderer. Now 1 guy, who would be the OBVIOUS person to not want a democrat to suceed with their agenda says what he said when clinton was president (i dont want him to succeed), its something the president himself has to call out. MInd you, when President Bush was being called a war criminal by Keith Olberman, he never said 'Keith Olberman is really a jackass, i wish he would stop being so harsh' (btw that quote is NICER than what obama said about Limbaugh). He didnt say anything, becasue he was above that. Limbaugh says EXACTLY what his listeners want him to say, and the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, calls out a PRIVATE CITIZEN who has merely used his freedom of speech, and tells congressional republicans that they cant listen to him if they want to work with his administration. WTF?!?!?!?!
Am i the only one pissed about this?
That is FLAGERANT disregard for the First Ammendment. Hes a CONSERVATIVE TALK RADIO HOST. His job is to want you to fail. Just like keith olbermans job was to want bush to fail.
I am still in utter shock over this. I hope im not the only one.....
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
this morning it took me 20 minutes for my legs to start to work again. PT is slowly killing me. But at the same time, i love it. I love the feeling of being in my unit and us all suffering together. It makes it much easier to do more, makes me push myself farther than ive done before, make my muscles ache more than ive done before.
I have never saved anything for the run back. I havent saved anything for the drive home. I havent saved anything, and i have found out how much i really have to give. I have made my 09 resolution to not hold anything back. Give my all and get through this (whatever this may be).
Now if you will excuse me, i will rub my legs with icy hot and eat 100 bananas.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Anyway ive been working in the warehouse here moving shit around so we can eek a little more space out of the cramped area. And its been nice and cool so i can actually be on the second floor without sweating like a whore in church, or larry craig in an airport bathroom....
or whitney huston in the hood....
Sorry... something shiney must have moved by. Anyway, been moving pallets and getting the warehouse organized properly so we might actually not loose any boxes this year (woohoo!!!!)
in other news, my legs are still fucking sore from duchebag running farther faster than he possibly can.
Also, i foudn my marine PT shirt finaly. I thought i left it in california with an ex girlfriend, but after going to grab some long john shirt yesterday, i found it. Crazy shit this putting shit away is.
Anyway. i gotta git off here or my boss is gonna hang my ass from the lift in the warehouse. Be safe yall.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So let me do a quick up-to-speed of whats going on with me
Work has been kinda busy, not so busy that im stressing and pulling my hair out, but busy enough i dont get to sit and play yahoo checkers all day. In otherwords, the extra employee is helping my stress levels as well as there being enough work for the 2 of us to comfortably make money.
My dumbass singned up too late for classes, so i was put in a status where if enough people dropped from the classes i wanted i could get in. Well apparently people care about their education so i am not in school this semester. I guess thats a good thing so i can work my ass off and try and pay off my truck before i leave.
so now comes my opinions on crap going on in the world
Since when is one side breaking a ceace-fire not grounds to go and resume the war that the ceacefire stopped. Hamas has been firing rockets since june. To me this is extrodanary patience on the side of the Isrealies for not launching the attack earlier. I think if more of us knew what hamas was really doing (stockpiling weapons in schools, mosques and hospitals and hiding behind civilains) we would really be in support of isreal. But you cant expect the media to like... report or anything. They are more infatuated with Obama's inaguration.
People, for the love of god. YOU CONTROL THE ECONOMY. the economy is one thing that if you put your head under the sand will actually fix itself. Lets look at situations A and B for a moment.
A: People stop paying attention to the stock market. They continue to live their lives and giggle at wall street execs going down in flames. Ressesion is small, pulls self out quickly.
B: People freak out when there is no real reason to. Uncertanty rises. Government socializes country. We end up like france.
Do you really want to end up like france. Go to best buy and buy some little stuff that you can afford. Try to save 10% of your paycheck. Lets be honest here guys, we need some new thinking to get us out of the mental hole we dug ourselves. If consumer confidence numbers went up, then the economy will sort itslef out.
Anyway guys, thanks for stickin with me for this long.